i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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