so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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