This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
