I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
People in love make me want to vomit
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
