Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
