Acid is not a monday night drug
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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