A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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