im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
