Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I love you. Go after that dick
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
