I want to have your abortion
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
