I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
