thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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