I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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