If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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