me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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