Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
