He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
