I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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