ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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