I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
