if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
