I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
