I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
