What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
barbara walters just said penis...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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