I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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