Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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