so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
