Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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