it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize