sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize