So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
