Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
