bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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