I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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