dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
