My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wish you could order shots online.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize