I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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