i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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