that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She bit a glass in half.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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