It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
