He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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