Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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