I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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