He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
