I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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