I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Maybe he injected his testicle?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize