And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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