Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
