I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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