One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
