Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
