Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
