It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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