but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize