a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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