its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize