Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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