I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
