My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
