I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
