how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Come share oat with me in your robe
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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