I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
