I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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