Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize