We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
and she was petting her beer can
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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