I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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