my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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