This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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