In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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