At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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