So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
