just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i think my cat just said my name.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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