Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize