I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
