First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
