Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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