Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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