My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
