i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
